Have you been told this?
You're TOO:
Tall/Short
Loud/Quiet
Smart/Dumb
Sarcastic
Serious
Outspoken
Opinionated
Mean
Nice (shocking that can be a complaint!)
And the list can go on, but I think this gets my point across.
Being 'too much'...What exactly does that mean? Who set these ridiculous comparisons? Who are you ACTUALLY being compared to? Who the hell do these people think they are sharing their unsolicited negative comments?
"I'm just trying to help"
This is the justification these people give THEMSELVES! They tell YOU they are trying to help, but that's not the actual case. 'I just thought you should know' ... that is another favorite. Like they are doing you you a favor (insert eye roll here) They are trying to help their own needs by trying to water you down because to THEM you are too much because you are not afraid to be yourself.
"I was warned about you"
What the actual fuck?! I can not tell you how many times I've been told this. There have been many things in my life I have aspired for, but I guarantee you this was not one of them...the friend the comes with a warning label. (insert exasperated sigh and droop of shoulders). I love how this statement has always been delivered with a smile and a nervous laugh. A friendly gesture trying to soften the blow that someone close to you was basically talking shit about you behind your back.
This used to ruin my day. Flat out, hit me with a fucking truck, ruin my damn day. Of course that was my secret. I would continue to 'be me' and laugh and joke about it, but inside I was gutted. Ready to cry...wanting to storm off for a face to face confrontation...or make the angry phone call that couldn't end in slamming the phone down to add aggressive punctuation at the end of the heated conversation (thank you very much technology lol). But I used to never say anything. I just absorbed this hurtful information and kept on moving. There was no confrontation. No phone call. No mention of it again. Just me at some point ugly crying in to a pillow or in the bathroom or on the car ride home from where ever I just was.
And then I was done.
I didn't wake up one morning, roll out of bed, and have my 'aha' moment. It took time and self reflection and internal question after question peeling back the layers and digging deep to figure out why this hurt so much. And then one afternoon I woke up. I wasn't literally sleeping at the time, but my eyes were officially open. I now had the 'answers' I needed for all of the times I asked myself 'why?'.
I realized that it wasn't that I was 'too much'. It's never really been about that. It's been about me being a rule breaker. I have tact, but don't sugarcoat things. I'm not afraid to speak the truth. I'm above the bullshit and games because the drama is a waste of fucking time. I'm 'too much' because I'm straight forward. I'm the 'asshole' that says what no one else has the balls to say. I'm 'too much' because I want the most out of my life and have realized that if I continue to follow what everyone else is doing, I'm NEVER going to get what I want.
Am I tall? Yes
Am I loud? Yes
Am I smart? Yes
(Do I say dumb things? Sometimes lol)
Am I sarcastic? Yes
Am I serious? Yes, when necessary
Am I outspoken? HELL YES
Am I opinionated? Yes
Am I mean? Not intentionally
Am I nice? Yes
Am I 'too much'? Yes, but only for the wrong people.